I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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