dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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