This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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