let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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