well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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