You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
