I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
