like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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