Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
