I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Terrible idea I love it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
