yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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