Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
