at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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