Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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