Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
