I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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