so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
