Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
