I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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