dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
