We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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