at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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