He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
