well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
