Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
