He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
