Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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