im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
