Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
