so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
