Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
