This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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