Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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