overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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