After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
