I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
