JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's like iHOP with fire
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
