she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
