I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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