Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
