I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
