I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
