i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
