I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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