Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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