Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
