Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
