this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
