I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
