he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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